Tuesday, February 01, 2011

What I Learned Watching The Mechanic (2011)

I liked this updated version a lot! Jason Stathem is always great and so is Ben Foster. Okay, so they ain't Charlie Bronson and Jan Michael Vincent, but then who is?

And I learned so much -- for instance:

Rich drug lords buy fancy black bottom swimming pools at their peril.

Never trust the unctuous man who is willing to have a telephone argument with his teenage daughter in front of you.

If you are a member of a super bowl football team who then gains employment as the aforementioned unctuous man's bodyguard, you might want to leave the bejeweled ring at home. (According to Pawn Stars, those rings are actually worth quite a bit of money! Something to think about!)

Attractive woman love beat-up, scabby looking guys who can power back half a bottle of bourbon in ten minutes at a noisy bar.

Lovemaking is clearly better when it's with a thoroughly drunk stranger and consummated in an alley surrounded by garbage cans.

Incredibly attractive women like the slightly less scabby guy.

Chihuahuas are cute.

Decorating tip: if you're inviting over new friends, put away the tools, especially all your long, sharp screwdrivers.

Ditto for fireplace shovels and pokers.

Basically it's just hard to meet nice people these days.

When working for any group that calls itself "the organization" or "the agency" or "the group", there probably isn't much use discussing their long-term pension plan.

For dramatic effect, always announce yourself to your prey before initiating an assault. You won't believe the look on their faces!