Sunday, September 19, 2010

What I Learned From "The Town" (small spoilers!)

The Town is a very good movie (honest!) directed by and starring Ben Affleck. It is about some folks who rob banks and shoot policemen. Here's what I learned:

Bank robbers lead lives of quiet desperation, broken by moments of insane violence.

I am glad I am not an assistant bank manager. However, if I were an assistant bank manager, I would certainly hope I had comprehensive health insurance.

You can have a soul even if you're a vicious bank robber.

Gals love those six pack abs.

If you were a criminal once but changed your mind and used what you learned as a criminal to arrest vicious murdering AK firing psychopaths, said sociopathic cop killing psychos will not think much of you.

Always wear a bullet proof vest.

Threatening a fellow by telling him extremely grim secrets about his past that you were partly responsible for causing could have negative repercussions. Extra added difficulty ensues if you makes references to removing the fellow's father's "balls."

Ladies, when you find out the nice chap you've been dating is actually a bank robbing sociopath (with several even crazier friends) who was stalking you after taking you hostage in a violent bank robbery, it may be time to reconsider your relationship.

That said, gals definitely like the six pack abs.

Oh. And ALWAYS wear a bulletproof vest.

If a vicious criminal shoots multiple police officers during a robbery and actually gets away with it, then gives you some of the stolen money so you can disperse it to charity, that's okay. Young people deserve a hockey rink built from stolen money.

FBI agents are ruthless, cold-hearted bastards who will actually use someone's work history as an oxycotin drug-dealer against them to stop the sociopathic bank robbers who kill police, open fire with automatic weapons on busy streets and engage in violent car chases that causes multiple accidents.

Did I mention the soul? And the six pack abs?

Be very careful when associating with the fellow who says he won't go back to prison, no matter what. He is liable to make poor choices when confronted by the authorities.