Monday, August 16, 2010

Lessons Learned From The Expendables

Lessons to be gleaned after seeing Stallone's latest, "The Expendables):

1) If you're dating the on and off girlfriend of a highly trained mercenary, be nice to her.

2) That said, if you're not nice, pointlessly antagonizing the ex-boyfriend is wildly counter productive.

3) Along those lines, pointlessly antagonizing the tin-pot General/dictator of an imaginary Latin American island you're trying to do business with is equally counter productive.

4) Water boarding and torturing the general's daughter against the General's express wishes is no way to mend fences.

5) Be careful about giving rousing speeches decrying your heavily armed business partner when he's standing right behind you with a big gun.

6) Painting your face black with a yellow diagonal stripe doesn't make you a better soldier, or invulnerable to many many bullets.

7) There is no reason to explain yourself to the mercenary soldier trying to kill you. You do so at your peril.

8) When in doubt, deploy the shotgun that fires 250 rounds a minute.